She's JV to your varsity
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize