Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
