You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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