i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its not stalking. its research.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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