since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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