you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
