There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
