You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
