I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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