Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me they were just razor bumps!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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