I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
