Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
