Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
