i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
