He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
