Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
