Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
