I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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