A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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