That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
