Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
