I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
