why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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