I'm so fucking centered right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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