just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
