Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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