I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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