My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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