I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
