Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
