get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
