You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
