loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
false alarm. still invincible.
do herpes really smell.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
