I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
