dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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