im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize