Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
