I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Green mimosas i think yes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
