I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
