ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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