Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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