If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
