Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it was like his penis was on wheels.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
