Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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