Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
