really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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