did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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