She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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