You're completely useless in the revolution.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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