did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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