I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize