shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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