you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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