OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
