My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
