So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
