I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
