Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
