end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
