ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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