I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
