Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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