My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
