I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found puke in my bra..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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