After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
