this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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