i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
