TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
