Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
