i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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