how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
