I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
