I faked an abortion last night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
