new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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