Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
