Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
