Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
