no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
