Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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