As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
