i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
