One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
