My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
